Jokes & Funny Pics

[122]

What A Coincidence

What A Coincidence!



A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne...

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am
celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'........

[122]

Another Coincidence

4 anxious husbands were sitting at the delivery waiting room in a hospital while waiting for their wives giving birth.

A nurse came out and told the first daddy,
"Congratulations sir, you got twins!".
"Ohh.. maybe its a coincidence" said the daddy. "I am working at the Petronas Twin Towers ".

Another nurse came out and rushed to the second daddy and said,
"Congratulations! you've got triplets!"
"Wooow!, this must be a coincidence too" said the second daddy. "I am
working for 3M Corporation"

Then another nurse came out and told the third daddy, "Congratulations Sir! You have quadruplets!" "Maybe this is also another coincidence cos I am working at the Four Seasons Hotel!"

Noticably, the fourth daddy-to-be went into an uncontrollable worry.
All the 3 daddies asked him, "Eh! Why are you so worried ???"
He answered, "I am working with Seven-Eleven!"

[tracyk859]

Great post! It's very nice. Thank you so much for your post.

[122]

Ah Beng

Just for a good laugh, not meant to offend anybody, please ...

===========================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud father, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really ah, he is studying to be a doctor?
Ah Beng: No lah, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
===========================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow or not, tonight is final game.
===========================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, but I'll also stay with your sister.
=========================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.
===========================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: "Eh Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house."
Police: "How come the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng : "I was watching TV mah..."
=========================================
Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."
=============================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.
===============================================
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
A man noticed and asked him why he did so.
He replied that the weather forecast announced that on
one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
==================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cell phone rings. He picks it up and
Says "Arh lo! how come you know I am here?"
================================================== =
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
================================================== =
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"
================================================== ===
Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "But sir, It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take umbrella and go."
================================================== ===
A man asked Ah Beng why Lee Hsien Loong goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning?
Ah Beng replied Lee Hsien Loong is PM not AM mah!

[122]

Some more Ah Beng

Again, not to offend anybody, just for a good laugh, please...

================================================== ====
PIZZA
Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if she should cut it in
six or twelve pieces.

Ah Beng: Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.

================================================== ====
DEAD BIRD
"Oh, look at the dead bird."

Ah Beng looked skyward and said "Where? Where?Where got?"

================================================== ====
NOT MY BROTHER!
A pregnant woman got into a car accident and fell into a deep coma.

Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer
pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are
fine.

Your brother Ah Beng came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name!

Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the
doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, DeNephew.

================================================== ===
ITALIAN
To impress his date, Ah Beng took her to a very chic Italian
restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and
ordered.

"We'll have the Giuseppe Spondalucci," he said.

"Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner."

[122]

ChingLish

A Chinese woman went for an interview

Interviewer: Give me a sentence using the following words.... Green, Pink,Yellow, Blue, White, Black and Purple.

Chinese woman: The phone Green, I Pink it up, and I say Yellow, Blue's that?
White? Sorry wrong number, don't call us Black coz you're disturbing the Purple working here...

The interviewer fainted!
================================================== =======
A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.
He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player.

Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happen if this does not work?'

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.

He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit.
When the shopkeeper refuse to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, 'Exsicuse me brudder, you are in China . Here, we read from the right to the left.

[darren pun]

what do u see ??

.........

[122]

ONE FOR CHRISTMAS ... To Keep Thread Alive

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working
at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder
and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave
his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride
and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school
to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where
he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the
best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away
something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for
the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as
a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he
received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

[etman]

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a
party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working
at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder
and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave
his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.'

The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride
and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school
to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where
he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday.'

The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the
best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own
construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away
something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his
birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.'

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth
returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations
for?'

One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for
the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?'

The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as
a stripper at a nightclub.'

The three friends said: 'What a shame... what a disappointment.'

The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he
received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and
a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

Wahahah LOLOLOL!
I thought the twist had to do with the person receiving the gifts. Hahaha....

[etman]

================================================== =======
A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.
He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player.

Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happen if this does not work?'

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.

He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit.
When the shopkeeper refuse to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, 'Exsicuse me brudder, you are in China . Here, we read from the right to the left.

Hahaha...spoilt no guarantee. Damn snake....

[pixeldixel]

Why I got fired

For the last company picnic, the management had decided that we could have alcohol, but stressed that each person would only be entitled to ONE drink - due to liability issues.

I was fired for ordering the cups.

[yongsinchee]

:l:l

[Ashleytan]

Thanks for sharing lol!
Had a really good laugh!

[pixeldixel]

People are not always who you think they are...