ATM Procedure...

[Art]

Borrow this from another forum....

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing
new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash
without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their
accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE procedures have been
developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."



MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the
machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside
back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

[Helicopter]

veri true!

Had a good laugh.

[skyblueblue]

Good one

[Adrianli]

Juz to add on.

Two separate signs was hung up onto the top of ATM machines as the banks realised that they actually need TWO different sets of withdrawal instructions for MALE & FMALE customers.

For the MALE customer the sign board reads:

1) Insert ATM card into machine.

2) Key in Language perferred , followed by PIN number.

2) The following instructions will appear on-screen for your requried transactions.

3) Remove your ATM card when you have finished with your transactions.


Thank you.


For FEMALE customer the sign board reads:

1) Stop!... before you approach this machine and ensure that you do not have any friends/ companions with you when you are using this ATM machine.

2) Please ensure that you have the correct ATM card and have your correct PIN number ready.

3) Before inserting card, please ensure that it is inserted the RIGHT way.

4) As the instructions that will appear on screen are rather clear and straight forward, it is highly perferred that you have made up your mind well in advance before proceeding with any ATM transactions.

5) It is also extremely helpful that you perform ALL your required transactions in ONE GO.

6) It is also helpful especially to other waiting customers that you do not develop a habit of using the "CANCEL" key too often.

7) Please remember you have to remove your ATM card first before ANY transactions requested are to be completed.

8) It is also highly desirable that you remove your physical presence away from the machine once you have completed with your transactions.

Thank you & have a nice day!

[Frank]

[Adrianli]

Another sexist joke. This time the guy jialat!!!


A woman and a man are involved in a very bad car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but, amazingly, neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So, you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace
for the rest of our days."
The man replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God! "

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle...My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police!!!"

[Helicopter]